Abigail Wells

Monsoon season

i am watching lightning bugs drown,

their bodies sprinkled across the pavement like confetti,

when my brother brings a cake out to the patio.

i sit, pretending not to feel 

him sneaking up on me. over the thunder 

he yells, what do you wish for? 

i stare into that little bonfire–– all wax & sugar, & want 

so badly to tell him

          i wish

for twenty dollars in gas money

& a six dollar sandwich.

for cheap hardbacks & expensive sweaters––

the covers immune from warping in this humidity,

the thread like gold, leading me through a labyrinth.

i’d never get lost.

that it would always rain like this.

that the earth would squish under my feet

& leave a trail of muddy footprints wherever i go.

i’d never have to say sorry.

that the apartment door would lock by itself,

so i wouldn’t have to think twice. 

to sleep a whole night through, for the melatonin 

nightmares to stop. 

to be the barrel of a gun on a dark night.

to feel beautiful & beloved 

after all the hands have touched me.

that i could bring these fireflies back to life–– 

for birthday candles that never go out.

When My Father Thinks of Me

am I

the last thought he has before he falls asleep,

hiding in every corner of his dreams?

or am I the sound of running water?

the dining chair unmoved since my last visit––

has he been counting the days since then?

or does he think of me when he goes by the stadium?

in the parking lot where he taught me how to drive

between his yelling & my tears.

i think i’m doing well, i whisper on the way back home.

you’re alright, he says, curt & uncompromising.

but i have my hands at ten & two

smiling, smiling, smiling…

when he sees

a kid on a rollercoaster, or

walls riddled with thumbtack holes.

an unmade bed.

a rotting peach.

baby’s breath wilting in a vase.

& I wonder if he’s just like me––

smiling, smiling, smiling…

About Abigail

Abigail Wells, 20, was raised in Arizona's East Valley and is a senior at Middle Tennessee State University, where she studies English literature. Wells was a selected poetry finalist representing MTSU for the 2021 & 2022 Southern Literary Festival; in 2022, she placed 1st in the formal essay category. Wells was a recipient of the 2021 Richard C. & Virginia Peck Award for her creative writing. You can find her in: MTSU’s Collage Magazine, Off Center Magazine, Outrageous Fortune, Blue Marble Review, the 2022 SLF Anthology, & Girls Right the World international literary journal.